


Internal ramblings of a small man

by Schut_Gunfinity



Category: Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: Gen, Mario Being an Asshole, Mild Horror, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:41:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23254114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schut_Gunfinity/pseuds/Schut_Gunfinity
Summary: Bits and pieces from a fellow who appears to be rather bland.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

I open up a stuffed mailbox and remove a pile of envelopes. They all look identical, and I assume they all carry the same message. Some poor toads ran through the woods to deliver the same message day after day.

Opening the door to my house, I'm met with some resistance. I shove in a little and envelopes spill across the threshold.

Never mind, many poor toads ran through the woods for no reason. How'd they even get the letters through the slip after it piled up so much?

After some struggle, the letters are now in the wood pile, some burning in the fireplace to warm the house. There probably were some real messages in there, but I'm not sorting through it.

I unpacked my bag and took a shower before examining an envelope from the fire pile.

It's one of the more recent ones, being sent only a week prior. I open it.

"Master Mario, Bowser is occupying the Toadstool Castle." Blah... Blah... Blah... I scan over the letter until I arrive at the final sentence. "We have been sending you letters for the past year, please respond." -Sincerely, Toadsworth.

Riveting. Toadsworth couldn't rub two brain cells together to ask for Luigi's help.

Sure, I go to places out of most postal services' range, and I don't lug around a computer. But Luigi does. He'd jump at the opportunity to help. I know it can be hard to track someone, but he runs a blog and accepts emails! There's no reason to only ask for me when both of us are capable.

Looking at the pile of letters again, I can't believe they actually sent all of these. The forest's probably shrunk.

With breakfast packed, I begin my trek into town before the sun rises.

* * *

They turned it into an episodic television show...

I expected a stage play, not this.

They didn't even make a good costume. It's so blocky and stilted... and they kept up the toddler proportions of the stage costumes!

I'm not exactly tall, but I still have normal body proportions. Being 4'11" doesn't equal toddler!

And they're calling Princess Toadstool "Peach". She doesn't mind, but no one here actually calls her that. It was a nickname that a blue haired prince called her at a conference. I think his name was Haru. He apparently gives every princess an unwanted nickname.

She reverts his form from a frumpy dog and he immediately tries to flirt with her.

He didn't even do anything, he just sat around and followed Luigi and I until we rescued the princess. The toads didn't even register him as an ally and he walked off to his homeland after Toadstool rejected him.

That movie he produced was inaccurate, too. We don't come from another world, and he advertised instant noodles with it. At least that thing did poorly.

Thinking of poor adaptations of first rescues, that other movie with Luigi being my nephew was even worse. Also, Mario's our surname, but it's not also my given name. I don't give that out. And the whole thing involving the oldest princess from Sarasaland, Daisy they called her, was laughably bad. The entire thing may as well be an original fiction with how little it actually related to that adventure.

Somehow, though, this monstrosity of a show is getting amazing ratings.

* * *

Toadstool sent a letter talking about a treasure in a rundown port town.

From the news, she's already there. Everyone seems to be fascinated in such a pretty pink princess being in such a grungy gray grovel. If it interests her so much, I might join in.

Treasure hunts like this are always exciting.

Though I'm not sure why she doesn't try to be more discreet.

Since the sudden interest in my activities, I've been much more cautious; I haven't worn that red hat in months, and mixed up my clothing and mustache on my travels. I've even used shapeshifting to keep people from catching on. Despite that adventure Bowser, Toadstool, and I allied on, no one seems to associate magic with me, and I'm keeping it that way.

In other news, Luigi self-published a book with the money he collected during our time rescuing Toadstool.

It's... alright? I'm not a good judge on books, especially adventures. I can tell he's changed up the names of the locales and people. Guess my whingeing made him do that for anonymity's sake.

He's honest, I'll give him that. Even admitted to the request for help being for me... That means he's been opening letters addressed to me. I'll need to talk with him about that later.

* * *

Some people produced a pop-up book based on Bella's journal of Rogueport. Same people who produced that pop-up book that made up a story involving fake Star Sprites, some magic wand, Toadstool, Bowser, and me. Intelli, I think the company's called.

I don't blame Bella for publishing that journal, a college girl has to eat, and that was a very interesting adventure. She also had the courtesy to omit my disguise and magic, and made everyone's names into puns.

People knew I was in town anyway, with Toadstool and Bowser there. I guess being royalty makes you value privacy a little less, they were followed all over, Peach even getting kidnapped by cultists. Bowser wasn't even being evil, he only competed for the "treasure" and tried to save Toadstool when that "treasure" possessed her.

He's not chasing after her anymore, not after that moon incident. I'm not interested, either. Never thought I had a chance anyway, but I proposed to her for laughs. Mostly to piss Bowser off.

She rejected both of us and tried flying off on Cappy's airship. I didn't think she could get it off the ground, but Cappy went along with her! Bowser and I managed to Macgyver a warp with scraps from the lair he built underground, but that whole experience made him rethink his choices.

Bella never mentioned aliens in her journal, either. We did go to the moon, and there were people in uniforms, but they weren't aliens, they were cultists.

And the old sailor! He was a heavy sleeper and depressed, not in a coma!

Regardless of being another harmless inconsistency, I really dislike Intelli for pulling that ham-fisted "friendship is power" thing at the end with the crystal stars.

They embellished a lot of Bella's journal. But she didn't write anything about friendship or townsfolk at that segment; and, I never said anything, but those things were far from friendship receptors. They were vessels that had been emptied in opening the seal on that door. I used them against that shadow creature to remove some of her power, but a little bit of it overflowed into me.

Having that stuff in me is like the magic equivalent of clogged arteries. I feel like garbage and it's been months since that adventure. At least my magic doesn't seem affected.

"The Thousand Year Door"? "The Shadow Under Rogueport" is far more accurate with all the cultists, shades, and that shadow creature sleeping under there.

* * *

I'm never going back to Delfino island.

Thought it was going to be a nice vacation on the beach.

I got framed, put into a kangaroo court, imprisoned, did mandatory labor, and had to run through an active volcano. The gelato was not worth it.

And Bowser has a son? Looks suspiciously like him, too. Did Kamek make a clone? Regardless, he was a brat. Caused the whole incident.

At least Bowser apologized for his son's behavior.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm in a painting, playing poker with a big boo.

Luigi won a mansion in a contest he never entered, and I was suspicious. Visited it in my coveralls and gloves. Didn't want him getting any nasty surprises... I got the nasty surprise instead.

The moment I stepped inside, something felt wrong, the entrance doors locked, and boos swarmed and chased me around the house. They grabbed at me the whole way, taking my left glove, right shoe, and hat.

When they dragged me through the courtyard into the well, I panicked and caused an explosion with a flower before they knocked me out down there.

There's a redundant amount of enchantments on this place. Can't even make a spark.

I'm not sure what they want to do with Luigi or me, but they're current plan is to use me as bait. Maybe they want our souls? To turn us into minions? Sure, we're well known, but that doesn't mean we'll be powerful minions.

Regardless, the boo is awful at poker and can't keep a straight face, can't even deal well... Has a tacky crown, too.

Of the the fifty-two games we've played, I won one. The first game. He electrocuted me with various voltages for what felt like an hour over that.

I started throwing games and he complained that I wasn't trying, made me want to rip my ears out with high pitched sounds.

So now I have to pretend I'm not trying to lose, counting cards and tracking the boo's hand to avoid winning hands. Emoting isn't something I'm used to doing. I don't show much emotion as is, so it feels odd trying to emulate expressions to help my opponent.

I'm bad-mouthing Luigi, too. Whenever he asks about Luigi, I basically tell him that Luigi's a coward. That he's oblivious and can't do basic things to take care of himself. That he's a sitting duck.

Luigi's got fame, but not the best kind. My lack of expression has made people view him as a coward by comparison, which is untrue. He's complained about it, but I'd rather not intervene; if he wants a better reputation, that's on him to earn it.

I don't really do anything about how people view me. To the masses, I'm a simple, short, jolly, and fat man who rescues a princess out of love. Three of these things are false, two are observations, and one is a generalization of what I do.

Regardless, if the boos mess around and don't ambush him like they did with me, he'll have a good chance.

I wonder when he's gonna get here. The boos'll think he's a pushover, but they'll get a nasty surprise... I also want to play a real poker game.

* * *

I'm at Pauline's house. She invited me to a ball, so we're practicing a week in advance. It's a casual ball, but both of us like to show off.

She and I are going over a fast and jazzy waltz, mapping out solos where we'll split off, and key changes where we'll foxtrot and quickstep in transition to swapping leads.

Talking isn't what anyone with class wants to do during a dance, but there is communication. How we respond to each other's gestured propositions in the moment is important. What we're listening to is just an audio recording, but the live music will be a least somewhat different, and we'll need to account for that.

We used to be a thing, but she's moved on. Though, according to her, her boyfriend's not into music. We used to dance more and practice instruments together, but since Luigi and I left Diamond city, I haven't done either hobby that much. I can't really lug an alto saxophone when trekking for miles, and not many people want to dance with a short, fat guy for obvious reasons.

Maybe I should hold a slightly taller shifted form, I've heard of people changing their regular form over time... it sounds stressful. Also, I can't get into nooks and crannies if I'm too big to fit. Almost crushed myself when I shrunk to get into a squeak bandit hideout and couldn't hold the form after a while...

Break's almost over, can't be distracted during practice.

* * *

Luigi and I are at an inn in the Bean Bean Kingdom.

The food's good, and their maple syrup is great on almost everything, Luigi's been gorging on it.

We already met the Bean Prince through strange circumstances. He seems well intentioned and... charming. Despite his... charms, I'm not impressed. Luigi's swayed, though.

The beans are cordial and welcoming, but I'm sure it's because we're considered celebrities. Usually, I'd be unrecognized, but Luigi insisted that we shouldn't be lying low.

I do see his point, we've gotten reduced prices, free stays at inns, and the guards let us into restricted areas. It's helped us more than anything, but I prefer blending in. It's no fun having everything handed over on a silver platter.

Luigi's also more of a haggler than me. Well, anyone's more of a haggler than me. Keeps up appearances, too; he doesn't have a hair out of line, whereas my mustache and hair has always been a mess...

We're here tracking a bean witch and her apprentice who stole Toadstool's voice, and are planning on using it to awaken a sleeping Star Sprite.

Bowser was at the castle when it happened. He immediately rallied the crew of the leisure airship he arrived in. I had to run in to get aboard, Luigi getting taken along. He didn't want to go, but Bowser decided that it'd be a good idea to have him on hand. I kinda did nothing but watch as the ship's storage claw grabbed him. Seeing him run from an airship was funny.

And then we met the witch. She and her apprentice attacked the ship and downed it just at the border.

She was annoying and looked like a dried up old hag in a silly rocking chair.

Her apprentice spouts nonsense and seems more like a drama student than a magic user. In fact, he doesn't even use magic, just a robotic helmet.

They've been constant annoyances, almost fully turning the Bean Prince into a creature, trying to block our way down a mountain with rock slides, and nigh destroying the capitol city.

We're preparing to enter the Bean Bean Castle. The beans told us about their queen's condition, and that witch hasn't been spotted leaving with the star yet, so I assume something's holding her up.

* * *

I'm hiding inside a robotics lab at the Bean Bean University, it's quiet at the moment.

The university's been locked down, and guards are outside keeping people from coming in or leaving. Luigi and I got in because the Bean Queen gave us badges with detective privileges.

The students have been turned into creatures, some of the equipment is now sentient, and both are aggressive. Luigi's stuck somewhere, taken by a crane.

When we walked into the lobby, I could feel something was off, and then we saw a kid in the dark, hobbling towards us.

Luigi focused his flashlight on him, and asked if he was okay. Almost on cue, the kid collapsed and started turning into a creature.

His face grew out into an elongated snout as his body shifted under his coat. He screamed the whole time, trying to claw into his face. I don't think beans have blood, but fluids seeped out as he struggled.

I watched the whole thing as Luigi ran behind me. I'm not sure how long it took for him to fully transform, it felt like ages, but also moments.

It was easy to kill what he turned into, but I still feel guilty for just watching and not doing something when he started turning. The Bean Prince was almost turned, but I managed to save him. This was much faster though.

We discussed our options, well, Luigi did and I nodded along. Both of us were wary of what could be deeper within.

The guards warned that we'd have to stay if we came in. Plus, the witch is in here with the star sprite and the tools to awaken it.

There was no other way. We had to move forward.

I thought that we could end up with the same fate as that student. That what turned him into that creature was contagious.

Now that we've seen more creatures, I'm afraid. Didn't tell Luigi though. We can't leave, so it's unnecessary stress.

The guards warned us that we'd have to stay here for forty days. It sounded like a quarantine to me, and I asked about it. The guy explained that some of the creatures slipped past them disguised as students.

But the guards lied to us. Those were students. They turned into the creatures.

Hopefully, whatever the witch did, it isn't contagious...

Luigi has to be somewhere in here.

* * *

Our adventure in the Bean Bean Kingdom has finally ended. Toadstool, Luigi, Bowser, and I are lounging in a private pink airliner.

This whole thing was odd.

Bowser showed up after the ship crashed as a minion to this Popple guy, and popped up again possessed by the witch! Had disgusting alterations to his body, too... At least he reverted after we beat the witch out of him and destroyed her soul.

The students at the university got turned into monsters... unfortunately we couldn't save them.

I got trapped in a liqueur barrel for a couple of hours, got drunk just by breathing in there, then went down a river while still trapped. Threw up as soon as the lid popped off and I got out of there.

Some guy in an egg costume wanted to open up a Yoshi theater. Didn't look very comfy for the Yoshis though; no holes in the seats for their tails, a lack of fruit in the concessions, etcetera.

We also met this weird shirt designer who painted with a water gun... It was fun designing shirts with him.

Toadstool's voice wasn't stolen at all. She was hiding out with the Bean Prince while it happened. Somehow, they got a birdo to stand in for her. Luigi, Bowser, and I are still pissed over this whole thing.

My guess is that she made a deal with the Bean Bean royals so I'd get rid of their problem without them having to request help from foreigners. Kingdom pride and all that, royal politics aren't too hard to grasp. Toadstool pays me to hide in the rafters with a gun during royal conferences when I'm available. Imagine that schemer having a pure voice! They must've spread a rumor to get the witch's attention.

We got paid, but maybe I should've hustled them. You got a problem? You go and hire the guys to fix it! Don't go through hoops to pretend you didn't ask for help!

I'm still bitter about being called in while Luigi was over. He was forced along by Bowser, but at least he came along.

* * *

Toadstool tried to get me to recite a speech, but I froze up before leaving the podium. Something about facing a huge crowd freezes me up.

I've heard people say things behind my back.

They don't seem to realize that I don't face armies, nor do I face crowds.

Luigi's actually braver than me. He has no issue talking about whatever he wants, even his fears. He talks about his life and makes updates on a site. He goes around the world to speak to people.

As for me, I don't chat much, and people tend to not know I've been in a city until my traveling companions say something months later.

Bowser wouldn't have an army to attack with if I was a great warrior.

That is, if he even attacked anymore. He's only really kidnapped Toadstool five times. The first time, he turned the toads into stone; plenty of variations on that one. Second was while we were at Yoshi's island. Third was when he occupied her castle. Fourth was an attempt to marry her on the moon. Fifth was when his son kidnapped her without him knowing.

I understand why people are interested in what I do. Rescuing people and going on adventures is one thing, but I'm also elusive. People apparently don't pay as much attention to those who save the day and stay to give out signatures. I don't think I've given out a signature once in my life...

Anyways, being an adventurer doesn't equate to being a good public speaker.

At least Toadstool knows to avoid having me at the podium.


	3. Chapter 3

I'm in a situation where I have to stay up, and I'm lacking something to keep me awake. May as well think of what's happened over the past few months.

Toadstool, Bowser, and Luigi are in their rooms upstairs. We're in an isolated town called Fromnwhen; like from and when, but mashed together. We're not even on our home continent, this is Deughm. Yes, pronounced as doom. Not the nicest name for a continent, though it seems to fit the recent events.

We've been here for a few months, collecting a bunch of stones that retain energy. They pulsate like hearts, so they're called heart stones.

According to the head shaman, the Merlon, they can counter the entity that's been opening destructive rifts all over the continent. He got the innkeeper to let us use her inn as a base. We've been getting warp whistles from him to get out of sticky situations.

Other shamen live around town, doing... whatever practices shamen do. I've benefited from them though, they can speak the common language from back home, and are willing to pay for services. One shaman could divine that I understood a few... less than savory medical practices.

I learned the basics of medical aid for adventuring purposes... and then I went down a bit of a rabbit hole.

He requested a... very specific ingredient in exchange for a favor, I delivered on it, and the rest bombarded me with orders for other things. Of course, I only harvested the finest of specimens from my enemies and delivered them fresh... it's not like they're needed for bodily functions anymore.

I got a lot from my dealings; plenty of gold, enchantments, one guy even taught me how to make pocket dimensions...

Alright, yeah, it was wrong. I only did it when I was solo, and the others don't know...

Anyway, another person of interest is Tiffany, who's been accompanying us. She's a pixie who lost her memory.

There are pixies on our home continent, but they're nothing like her. In fact, none of the ones here are, either. Of course, all pixies are winged, magical insect people, she's no exception. But she has sharp, iridescent wings. Every pixie I've encountered or seen has rounded wings that glow in one color.

I asked the Merlon about her, and he explained that she was once human, but she lost most of her memories when she was saved from death by being turned into a pixie.

She's been remembering though, mentioned a fellow named Bartrum a few times. I'd ask, but I don't want to prod.

A mad magician, Count Black he calls himself, is responsible. Got a letter saying that he'd kidnapped the others and had to check it out, then flew here across the ocean. I got here late to the party by a week. Black apparently used Bowser and Toadstool to summon the void entity, then dumped them.

Many of his henchmen are also somewhat mad. There's this hulking man who has the proportions of an ape and an odd accent, a shapeshifting spider girl, a hypnotist lady, and a jester magician.

The jester was my informant. He goes by Dimentio.

I met him on top of a giant tree months ago.

A week later, I heard a tapping on my window and it was the jester, he couldn't get in because the inn rooms are enchanted to deny uninvited guests.

I asked what he was doing, ready for a fight in my nightwear.

He only wanted to talk, claimed that he sent me the letter.

Since then, he's visited me at night every few days.

I didn't trust him, and I still don't, but the information he's given has been invaluable.

He listed where he thought the heart stones might be, which has assisted us greatly. When no one was in the planning room, I'd note spots where Dimentio pointed out, and someone would go and search the area. We were coming and going, Toadstool, Bowser, and I, each collecting heart stones and reporting back here. There were twenty in total.

He taught me about the other henchmen's weaknesses, and informed me about their whereabouts, so I could know when to travel with the rest in a group. Even told me that my brother had been brainwashed, which was true.

When one of the rifts managed to wipe out a kingdom, leaving a wasteland, he joined me in finding the heart stone. When we found it, it was inert, and he told me about an underground kingdom with a powerful witch queen who would help me.

I reunited with Luigi in the underground kingdom. He seemed shaken up though, it was like he just woke up, months after he'd been kidnapped. He was brainwashed into following Black, that much I know. But it's suspicious that he'd end up there at the same time as me.

We managed to collect all of the heart stones, and plan on raiding Black's castle in a few days.

Dimentio explained that Black had summoned the void entity by forcing a marriage between Toadstool and Bowser, and he wants to kill everyone on the continent and beyond...

Despite all of the help, I never trusted Dimentio, and never will. As of recent, he's tried to talk me into helping him get a hold of the entity that Black has been using. Something about making an ideal world, which all sounds very boring to me. There's no mystery in a world that's tailored for a few people.

Dimentio claimed that the Prognosticus foretold that Luigi was the fourth hero, but I'm not so trusting, that's too specific for these books...

I read a bit of the Diagnosticus, a book of ways to alter future outcomes predicted by the Prognosticus. Both are vague as far as I know, only stating enough to make readers hopeful or paranoid. The Diagnosticus basically said that the final hero could be a vessel for the void entity.

I was the last one to get to this continent.

He tried to stay in my room after he bid me farewell and sent an illusion out the window. I pretended to not notice him as I faked sleeping, using illusions to fake closed eyes.

After an hour, he started creeping over, something in his hand. As soon as he was about to touch me, I moved a bit, startling him back into hiding.

Now I'm spending the night downstairs, awake. He's here with me, I can see him out of the corner of my eye. I've never been so glad to have an eye for illusions.

I wonder when he's gonna leave.

* * *

We did it. Black, or should I say Bartrum, wasn't much of a fight after I used the heart stones to separate the void entity from him, and Tiffany revealed herself to call him out. He was an adept magician, but knowing his name really made the fight easy. The situation de-escalated when Black started sobbing on the ground and Tiffany moved in to comfort him. Toadstool, Bowser, Luigi, and Bartrum's henchmen caught up to the sad scene soon after.

We were ready to call it quits as the void entity, now without anyone to control it, began fading fast.

All of the sudden, Luigi began running towards the entity with Dimentio. Before anyone could react, they jumped into the entity and a dark mist began to spread, blocking my view of them.

From the mist, a hand surged out to crush Tiffany and Bartrum. After that, a giant thing that looked like Luigi's deformed head on a jester's twisted body emerged, arms made of chains. This wasn't the supposed wielder of power, it was a clownish abomination.

The battle was easy, everyone else helping to restrain the creature by its legs and chains. I stayed back, afraid of what might happen if it caught me.

Once it was restrained though, I did something brash. Maybe it was my lack of sleep, maybe I wasn't in the best mind, but I jumped onto its frilly collar and screamed for Luigi to wake up. I had wanted to get Luigi out, hoping that he was still in there. It seemed like it with how the thing never attacked me... Or maybe Dimentio wanted me alive. It might've been both.

Not a moment later, the bit of collar I stood on seemed to give out.

No, it didn't give out, I was falling into the abomination.

I caught the edge of the hole as I felt the sensation of my lower half... not having sensation. It was like half of me ceased to exist. For a moment, I froze in shock, but then I started struggling to get out. Every time I relented before pushing down hard, I only fell deeper.

Toadstool had her hand over her mouth, and Bowser was calling me an idiot.

Bowser grabbed both of my arms and started pulling, but I didn't move an inch.

The abomination had started laughing at that point. It could've given me nothing to hold on to, it did this to mock me.

It was right to laugh though, I made a stupid move and I was left with only one option.

I yelled at Bowser to let go and he tightened his grip, then I puffed fire at his face to startle him into letting go.

Beyond that, everything was hazy. I had an argument, but I don't remember the argument itself. Dimentio was scheming, or was it Luigi? Both? Maybe the argument is why I didn't join them? Or did I fight them after the argument and that's why?

We had tea?

Dimentio and Luigi stole the sweet roll?

I swatted at Dimentio and Luigi and they shattered?

It felt dream-like. Several things were happening at once, and something was knocking on my head the whole time. Maybe that was the void entity? It all felt too brief, like one wrong move in the quick succession of events could've screwed me over.

I woke up to a pulsating, black abyss above me, far more unstable than before. Luigi was out cold. Dimentio was a smear on the ground with his shattered mask scattered around. The ground was shaking and the building was rumbling. I was too out of it to move. Bowser picked both of us up and started running and I blacked out.

Now I'm in my room at the inn, fully mobile again.

I woke up with the Prognosticus on my lap; made sure every word turned black as I burned it.

Luigi's fine. We had a chat and he didn't seem to remember what happened. He apparently blacked out when he was on his own against Dimentio. The Merlon also removed a mind controlling plant from his head.

Toadstool and Bowser both shouted at me over my idiocy. They then brought me out for lunch.

Black's henchmen made it out alright, they all apparently had a change of heart sometime before we raided, and that was the final push. They're all still crazy, but they haven't done anything bad, yet.

I asked the Merlon about the book appearing, and he seemed tense until I stated that I burned it. He said he doesn't know how it ended up with me, but I think he's lying. There was probably some sort of "Will appearest before whomst'ed've ever killedth the owner" spell on it.

Unfortunately, the destruction that the rifts caused seems irreversible.

Everyone's sworn to not fully disclose the events of the past few months, most of the names involved, locations, or the prophecy in its entirety. In fact, the Merlon is destroying the Diagnosticus.

* * *

Things have been following me around the woods for since I got back from Deughm, and I've heard instruments in the night. In fact, that's why I'm up right now at two in the morning.

Now, the forest around southern Toad Town is haunted, and I don't mind it, but it's usually not this haunte-

_Ponpok ponpok ponpoko-pon. Ponpok ponpok ponpoko-pon._

Something's making drumming noises outside my window.

Looking outside, there's a tanuki hovering there, drumming its belly. Now that it's noticed me, it's begging for food.

Ah, so annoyances have moved in. I wonder who cut down their forest and how I can run over there to make a new one pop up. These things won't let me sleep.

Now it's shapeshifted into me and it's making a sour face. The others have joined in, continuing to play their bellies and various flutes as they imitate my appearance.

Seems they're used to people. I suppose if they're here to stay, I can try making peace, maybe set up some music rules.

The moment I open the window, they pause what they're doing.

This is something I might regret.

I beckon them inside, and their expressions morph from slight shock to suspicion. They sniff the air for threats.

One of them hovers close. It narrows its eyes at me while still shapeshifted as me.

I return what I imagine to be a groggy, unimpressed expression.

It looks back to its fellows with a grin and "marches" along into my house as I step aside. The others follow.

Guess I have some tanuki housemates until I build a proper house for them. Can't be too difficult, I've seen spirit houses.


	4. Chapter 4

Luigi and I haven't spoken in months.

Unfavorable details regarding him and the events in Deughm were published into another book by Intelli, entitled "Mario Story: The Chaos Heart".

Most of the adventure was embellished: the locations were turned into dimensions, and most names were changed into puns, similar to the style of Bella's pun names.

Luigi being mind controlled and the abomination made it in. Other things that everyone at Fromnwhen agreed to never mention were in the the book, but that was the single most damaging thing that could've been published. So someone couldn't keep their trap shut.

These books aren't from a small business with a limited reach, either. These are read by and to children. I know, because Intelli's first "Mario Story" book had a fabricated adventure that people still think happened.

Luigi complained about it over the phone and I got Toadstool to scare Intelli out of producing more of those books, but the damage had been done. He then demanded that I make a statement to deny the bits about brainwashing and the abomination.

Of course, lying isn't an issue, I omit things all the time.

It's the way he demanded it.

I don't care if it's my brother or a Star Sprite, no one demands anything from me. People try to step all over me because they think I'm a pushover. I've refused calls to action because people act like I owe them an act of heroism or a good turn, or they think I'm some role-model who can't afford bad press. And then when I refuse, they pull out threats.

He demanded it like I owed it to him. No, he wasn't asking a favor, not even giving a complaint. An outright demand.

When I refused, he threatened to stop talking to me. I hung up and muted his number.

He's tried to call and send emails since then, to which I never respond.

Luigi's website is still as normal. There's been nothing about me, which is a good sign. But I'm still avoiding him unless we're in person.

I'm allowed to be petty.

* * *

Toadstool hired me as a guard for a royal party, caught me just as I was ready to warp to Diamond city.

It's much bigger and more flashy than the last party I was at a few years back. The servants are straining to keep up with everything. Royals, lords, and entrepreneurs are here from all over.

I've been following Toadstool around, disguised as a toad servant. The stubby limbs are annoying, can't even reach for things on the tables.

Bowser's approaching, Kamek following overhead. They're easy to pick out because everyone's moving away from them in caution. As they near, Kamek starts looking around, the old wizard probably detecting me, but unable to pinpoint me.

Toadstool and Bowser start talking kingdom politics as they move along through the crowd, Kamek and I following along.

After a time, Kamek descends until he's level with me.

"Didn't think you to be a shapeshifter," he squawks over the noise of the party.

"Lots of money in it," I say in the most obnoxious toad voice possible.

"You take pay from your monarch? I always thought of you as a pure hero," he says.

"Admitted, I'm more of a mercenary than a hero."

"Kehkehkeh, so we could've bought you all of those times?" he asks in a light tone.

"I pick my favorites."

"A mercenary with favoritism? Absolutely disgusting."

"Mercenary who?" Bowser says, leaning in, Toadstool joins.

Instead of saying anything, I hop with a little upwards punching motion.

"Oh, I see, I see." He looks over at Toadstool. "Who's the chump?"

She moves in closer and points to an old woman wearing a beehive cut and a light blue cocktail dress across the room.

We had talked about her before the party. She has connections to the occult and necromancy, at least Toadstool can detect it on her.

Toadstool noticed her pop up at a social gathering a few months ago and every gathering after. I can't detect anything, but Toadstool's judgement is usually on-point for these situations. The current theory is that she's in the market for a new body. We don't need proof to ban her, but Toadstool can't just ban a person without proof because blah blah reputation.

She's letting her guard down enough for a control spell. If the old lady goes for it, I'll be following Toadstool as a toad. When we're out of town, I'll be ready to jump her.

"That old hag? In the dated dress?" Bowser asks, a little more quiet.

Toadstool nods. "She's a necro."

"Oh. That's a real problem. What're ya gonna do about her?"

"I have a plan," she says, nodding at me.

"Ooh, I getcha. But if you want real security, Kamek can turn me into a toad and I'll go instead," he says, all grins.

"You as a toad? Sure. I wanna see you suffer, too," I say.

"Pipe down, pip squeak, your superiors are speaking," Bowser says with a smirk.

"You know what? I think having both of you along would be a great idea," Toadstool hisses.

Bowser, Kamek, and I look at her. I've never seen her lose her patience this fast.

"This is serious, if you're going to mess around and ruin the ambush, leave."

"Okay, okay, sheesh. Didn't know you could get so snappy... Wait, you're serious about me and pip squeak workin' together here?"

"Yes, rejoin us in an hour," Toadstool orders.

Bowser gives a little mock salute and marches off with Kamek following.

I look back to Toadstool, who's now watching the lady in blue.

"You think she can tell you're watching her?" I ask.

A finger comes down to my face in a statement of, "Shut up."

How regal.

* * *

Turns out, that lady really was a necromancer. A trance spell was cast on Toadstool a few hours after Bowser and Kamek came back as toads. We followed her into the necromancer's car and rode until we were deep in the woods. In there, I rushed the necromancer to a timely grave, then we snapped Toadstool out of her trance.

It was a fun little stint, now we're melting the car down in a bonfire.

"You actually pulled one over that hag, a real schemer you are" Bowser says.

"Maybe she could have possessed me when I was younger, but now I've learned how to nip problems in the bud," Toadstool says.

"Good on ya! Still lookin' for a Prince Charmin'?" Bowser asks, eyebrows wiggling.

"You're not it," she remarks.

"Garsh, Toadstool, you call yourself a princess with that kinda behavior?"

With a "hmmpf" Toadstool turned away, a smile on her facr.

"And you," Bowser said, looking at me, his tone serious. "You really pulled some nasty stuff back there. You slithered into the front seat and burned her face off!"

Toadstool's brow creases.

I had been a little brutal with it, but killing her as quickly as possible was the best thing to do.

"She was evil," I shrug.

"You burned her face off?" Toadstool asks with worry, looking around like she just realized the necromancer was dead.

"Yes, he did," Kamek affirms, a little disbelief on his creaky voice.

What were we going to do? Let her stay alive? Well... maybe. Actually, Toadstool's plan might've been to imprison her... Also, why are Bowser and Kamek of all people judging me for this? They've maimed and killed people before, but I guess they've changed their ways in the past few years...

"Yeah, but... ugh, fine. It was wrong of me to burn her."

Bowser doesn't seem happy, but he isn't saying anything.

No one is.

* * *

Yoshi's been here for a week, so I'm sticking around the house.

It's been a boring few months. I went wandering after that party, but nothing interested me. Toadstool is trying to force me to therapy, which I've avoided until recently, because I want to hang out with Yoshi. The therapists always ask about nonsense like "pressures of stardom" and "expectations." To that, I just stay quiet and wait for the clock to go into the next hour.

Now I'm thinking it might be a set up, she could've bribed Yoshi to stick around so I stay in one place.

Anyways, Yoshi's not having the best time here. Usually he's pretty lax, but the tanuki have been pulling pranks on him.

Told him not to go up that path to the little house, but he did it anyway. He ate the tanukis' food stores and now he's constantly watching his back. I gave them replacement food, but they seem to insist on having a grudge.

Yoshi brought bushels of various fruit from the island, but they're more for him to snack on than they are gifts. Tried to get him to gift the fruit to the tanuki and he hissed at me!

So now he's sulking in the house and the tanuki are hanging out with me while shapeshifted as me. I'm in a rocking chair while the rest are floating in rocking motions on illusions of rocking chairs. We're all aligned in a row of nine on the porch.

I don't mind participating in their game after that hiss.


	5. Chapter 5

Luigi invited Toadstool and I to a five-star hotel... Well, he invited me, but it went through Toadstool to get to me, so she decided to come along with a bunch of her chancellors. Nosy tyrant.

I also wanted to warp there, but noooo, Toadstool had to get her bus out. It's nice, but it certainly doesn't compare to a nimbus cloud bus.

We're on our way to pick Luigi up from his house in Roger Valley and then we'll head to the hotel. The address puts it in a remote valley by a lake, so it'll be a long ride. It's only been an hour and the chancellors are already asleep. Should've brought something to knock myself out with, maybe then this'd be alright.

* * *

Well, Luigi didn't give Toadstool and I all the details... certainly didn't say anything about winning another contest.

Turns out, the hotel was run by that necromancer lady's ghost and King Boo. Only, Boo took a page out of the necromancer's book.

Toadstool and I got possessed by those assholes, and Luigi went through hell and back to save us and the chancellors. He called in a favor from Elvin Gadd, the scientist that had helped him rescue me from Boo before, and had to run up and down a haunted hotel.

Beyond that, I don't know anything of what happened while I was possessed; woke up in time to help curbstomp Boo into the vacuum though.

We're now having a civil discussion with Gadd over what to do with the two ghosts... or demand terms. Demand terms is what I'll call it. I'm on Toadstool's side, but staying quiet; I'd rather hear Gadd's point without dog-piling. I also feel pretty lethargic.

"I'll cover all expenses for a new laboratory if you let me destroy the ghosts," Toadstool says.

"Now now, Princess, don't be too hasty. These are important for research, but that lab..."

"I'm only asking for the big boo and that lady ghost," she says, motioning to Boo and the necromancer's portaits.

Luigi looks like he wants to say something, he's opened and closed his mouth a few times.

"But Princess! They won't ever get out! An-and they're unique specimens!"

He's nervous, he can tell no one's siding with him.

"Professor Gadd, I'm not worried about them escaping, but I won't allow something that has seen into my head to continue on," she states.

"They won't be able to do anything!"

"That isn't what this is about. Now, do you want to keep two ghosts, or do you want a nice lab?"

"But the lab is the reward for helping save you two?"

"No, the lab is a choice."

"Well, yes, but..." Gadd pauses and Luigi moves in when Toadstool doesn't respond immediately.

"I think the Princess's right, E Gadd. Think about it! This's a sorta privacy thing," Luigi says.

"Yes yes, but the fact that they've possessed people is why I need to research them! This will greatly progress my research into the paranormal! King Boo used a magic I've only seen in stories while he was possessing your brother!" Gadd's looking at Luigi now.

Toadstool has a hand over her mouth, and Luigi's face is red.

How insensitive. I'm a little aloof, but that's a bit morbid. No, I'm not angry or in shock over it, I get his point, but even I could phrase it better. Actually, what magic did Boo do while possessing me?

Luigi looks over at me like he's expecting a response, but I don't say anything, so he blows up. "Mario's right here! Why're you acting like he isn't here?! You-"

My hand's on my forehead. "Luigi, stop. Gadd, I agree with Toadstool, but could you explain exactly what the boo did that interested you?"

Gadd looks surprised, but takes the chance. "I don't mean to be..."

Luigi's about to interject, but I gesture for him not to.

"... Insensitive, but there was a power that King Boo used that I know he didn't have before. I don't think you have any magic, do you?"

I shake my head in response.

It's subtle, but Toadstool and Luigi sort of look at me, each other, then me again. They're well aware I'm lying.

"Well, that means King Boo acquired a certain strain of magic while possessing you. The kind that's virtually extinct, and takes the form of black, physical shapes."

I don't think Gadd understands how magic works, then again, I did lie.

"Shadow magic? The kind that shades were made of and a few used?" Toadstool imitates claws with her hands.

"Yes. Luigi, tell them what you saw!" Gadd seems excited.

Luigi is still seething, but answers anyway. "Fine, when I started chasing him, he was doing this thing with black waves on the ground to attack me, I... don't think it's anything special." He got nervous at the end, he's downplaying.

"Oh ho ho, that's not the case! I looked at every source I could get my hands on, and what I saw in the recordings matches up with shadow magic. No complex shapes, but it's still shadow magic."

So I might be able to use shadow magic? Maybe there's a silver lining to getting dosed with dark power. Wait, what about Toadstool? She got possessed by the sealed shade in Rogueport.

"Alright, what about the ghost that possessed Toadstool? anything odd there?" I ask.

"No, but it used her magic in addition to its own. Now, I want to keep both to note anything that's changed after possessing you two; if they learned things, gained new properties, anything."

So, Toadstool didn't retain any of the magic... The possession research did sound interesting, but I don't want Boo to tell Gadd about whatever he dug up while possessing me.

"I think it's worth researching..." I trail off to see his hopeful reaction. "... With other ghosts," I finish.

Gadd's hope turns into a sigh, "Other ghosts!? Do you kn- Fine. You get the ghosts, but I'm getting that lab!"

I'd say he could just find idiots for ghosts to possess, but Toadstool's here.

"...Very well, contact me about where you want your new laboratory, and I'll send a crew your way," Toadstool says as she grabs the portraits. "... another thing, if you tell anyone about the possession, that lab is forfeit."

Gadd nods nervously.

Outside, Toadstool draws a circle on the pavement with her lipstick. She places the portraits inside, mumbles a couple of incantations under her breath, then tosses a fireball at the portraits, releasing the ghosts. Boo and the necromancer are panicking, unable to speak as they dart around. The circle then collapses, the ghosts eviscerated by its borders.

Luigi and the chancellors seem quite happy, but Toadstool's walking towards me with narrowed eyes.

Her voice is low, "You have the shadow magic, don't you?"

"Sure," I say with a shrug. It's not like I can get out of this.

"Don't sure me, you got it from the shade in Rogueport?"

"Yeah, it's done nothing."

"Of course it's done something," she hissed. "It's been years since Rogueport, you should've told me after I woke up, I could've purged it. It's assimilated into you by now, who knows what it's done."

"I don't know, Toadstool, it's kinda done nothing. It's not like all magic's intrinsically evil; maybe leave it be?"

On one hand, I've seen forms of magic that corrupt, which scares me. On the other hand, I don't think this magic corrupts, it just made me feel like garbage for a while before the feeling faded... actually, I feel like garbage now. Maybe Boo stirred it up.

"I already have to manage the kingdom, Mario. Please, I don't want to chase you around to get help for this."

"Help? I'm flattered you're worried about it, but I don't think it's anythi-"

"No, even if you think it's done nothing, at least let me divine you."

Maybe she wants to help because she suspects I might eventually snap, but I get the vibe she also wants me to think of her as a friend. Not sure why she would have interest in that after years of dealings. It's a bit too late, I already know she's a mage, and it's an unspoken rule to never be personal friends with a mage if you aren't already one. It's a dangerous gamble.

"Fine, you can divine, but c'mon, it's been what? Five years? I'm not too worried about it."

"You've been a little alarming as of late. You've always been... somewhat wayward, but I think you need to start considering how your actions effect public opinion. The shadow magic could be why you're acting up," she says.

Reasonable, but the magic's not why I killed the necromancer lady, that's just me being jaded and going for efficiency over ethics.

Admitted, there's a chance I'll end up wicked in my later years, but it won't have anything to do with the shadow magic... Actually, therapy sounds like a good idea now. I doubt Toadstool's going to budge on the whole evil magic thing... and I'm too tired to argue.

"You've got a point, I'll be a little more careful with what I do. When are we meeting up for the divination?"

"Three days after we get back, meet me in the castle."

"Alright-y."

* * *

Nothing seemed off to her when she divined me, at least nothing corrupting.

Toadstool's still pushing that therapy, but if I'm going for therapy, it'll be outside the kingdom. She also said I should try figuring out the shadow magic, but I have no idea how to go about it. When I mentioned having no magic skills, she offered an apprenticeship.

I said I'd think about it.

The whole thing gives me a bad feeling. She's fascinated by me in the way I get fascinated by culture plates, it's kinda creepy.

Might hide out in Diamond for a while and visit Pauline... maybe get some leads.

* * *

Been in Diamond for a month, talked with Pauline.

She was surprised I was looking for a therapist, but was really happy about it... I guess I really am worrying people? She asked me what I wanted out of a therapist and I blanked on it, saying I didn't know.

I was surprised when she recommended her therapist.

Hell, I'm surprised she even has a therapist.

She set up a meeting for me under an alias, but warned that I might need to look around to find a therapist that I "click" with. Strongly advised me to stop wandering and stay in town for a while, too.

So far, I'm not sure if the therapy is doing anything for me, though, it's only been a few weeks.

The therapist, her name's Cindy, isn't just asking questions, she's moreso trying to make conversation to get to know me. Because I'm using an alias, everything I say is on a superficial level, which I doubt helps the process. I don't outright lie, but I omit a lot.

I'll admit, it is refreshing to be in one place for longer than a month again, even if I'm twiddling my thumbs over what to do with my free time. Money isn't an issue, but I've been looking for a part-time job under my new alias, Reynolds.

Worked out the alias with Pauline. When I go out, I'm shapeshifted an inch shorter with stockier limbs, balding black hair, no mustache, and no neck. I pad out the clothing because I can't shift that much for hours on end. Went with a comically husky and gravelly voice to top it off.

A real charmer, Reynolds is.


	6. Chapter 6

Spending a few months in Diamond takes me back to the old days when Luigi and I lived around here.

We were delivered by a stork, but never got delivered to our parents. According to the staff at our orphanage, we were dropped off there; that means the stork either couldn't find our parents, or they don't exist.

I ran away several times. It wasn't because it was a bad place; I can't remember the staff doing anything awful, no one bothered me, and we got schooling. It was just really boring.

Luigi was always on his best behavior, an absolute angel. Was and still is taller and better at physical activity than me. Everyone at the orphanage liked him well enough, and he had his circle of friends. Always acted like he was my older brother despite us being twins.

By contrast, I didn't make friends. When the mystery of the flaming beds began, the idiot kids at the orphanage tried to get the staff to do something, but there was no proof. I burned their fingers when they tried beating me up, and they still couldn't prove that I'd done it. Nonetheless, I got a bit of a reputation and the other kids started avoiding me. Best thing I could've done.

Luigi would've probably been adopted, but the staff didn't want us to be separated because we're stork twins, so whoever wanted him would have to take me along as well. The one who the other kids avoided and called evil.

I remember when we were around ten or twelve, we got adopted by a family, but they later abandoned me. I wandered around the city for a while and remember it seeming really cool, then I was found and taken back to the orphanage. Also remember Luigi being there and running up to hug me. I'm not sure what happened to the family, but they never showed up at the orphanage again.

It was around that point when I started running away.

My escapades usually went on for months at a time, and I'd run around doing odd-jobs for money. Figured out fire and illusions real quick, got out of plenty of weird situations with those. Kept it a secret, too; made it look like tricks rather than actual magic. I learned a some bits about magic from the people I met; never give out your name, never befriend a mage, and some mages kidnap children for apprentices.

At around fourteen, I met Pauline and bummed at her place a few times. I did favors for her, things involving fires at her pa's competitor's rallies. She returned the favors when we got older, getting me jobs with her connections. We never got close until I saved her from that ape. Even then, only a few months later, Luigi and I traveled out of the province.

Luigi never liked to leave his comfort zone, so when we had to leave the orphanage at sixteen, he freaked out, acted like it was the end of the world. It's around this time when he started seeing me as the older brother. In hindsight, I was a terrible brother, constantly berated him for being an idiot with his money without ever teaching him anything. Sure, he consistently went to school, but they never taught him how to get a job or budget. He got really clingy, too. Only started living on his own in his late twenties, after I gave him some money and nudged him out of the house in Toadstool Kingdom.

My primary and secondary education were spotty, but I did go for a tertiary education. I got some fairly high paying, blue collar jobs via Pauline using her connections, but stayed frugal. Luigi always complained about the small apartment despite it coming out of my budget along with the groceries. He made money, but he liked to waste it on gambling and expensive gifts for his friends' parties.

It was a little rough, but I miss it; I was always on the grind to achieve something.

* * *

Pauline and I went to a big band improv meet.

She dyed her hair ginger, put it up in a ponytail, and wore no obvious makeup other than a little eyeliner. I shifted my face and limbs to be longer, turned my hair black, lost the mustache, and gained some long sideburns and a widow's peak. Made myself look like a little monkey fella. We wore matching green blazers, yellow ties, black shirts, and slacks. She brought her guitar, and I brought my alto sax.

Despite everyone being inconsistent, we had a good time. There were some cool players there, this one guy tapped his bari sax to point where it sounded like a percussion instrument; another one brought in a massive sax, I think he called it a contrabass.

We're planning on joining another meet in a few weeks.

* * *

I've made a discovery; there are at least eight different stage plays based off the the first time Toadstool was saved from Bowser. Now, I usually ignore anything that involves my adventures, but Pauline and I were looking at what's playing at the theatre, and I saw that the selection of plays mostly involved Toadstool, Bowser, and me. Many versions of the first kidnapping feature Bowser's son, who probably wasn't even born at the time. There's a few that have yoshis despite the yoshis only being involved in the one adventure... maybe also when I was a baby. There's even one where Bowser's a furry.

People think that these are different adventures, and that Toadstool's been kidnapped over twenty times. Started laughing when I realized this, and Pauline was wondering why. I doubt she'd find it funny, so I waved it off as something dumb I'd thought of.

They even think Toadstool and I have a thing for each other. I can't even call it a missed opportunity. That ship never sailed because the ship never existed in the first place.

Now I'm tempted get a drink with Bowser and laugh about the portrayals.

* * *

Toadstool wants to know where I am. She asked Pauline about it, anyway.

Was wondering why the sudden interest, but the Star Festival's coming soon; it's a big event that celebrates a comet that arrives once every century. Guessing that she wants me at the kingdom for the festival.

I did kinda disappear for a year... and the house is probably a dusty mess...


	7. Chapter 7

When the Star Festival came and went, everything went with it. The solar system's been turned to rubble.

How I survived? I don't know, I woke up a week ago.

Never thought that the comet signalling the Star Festival could be a space ship, but here I am in an observation dome, looking for any "fuel" in range of a ship running on very little power.

Whatever destroyed the system took most of whatever powered this ship as it passed through the system. The mage who owns the ship asked me to find fuel for it, and guided me to a dome with telescopes.

I don't know what the fuel for this ship is, or how to find it, and I'm a little panicked. There's no threat behind what she said, but her silence unnerves me, and I'd rather give her reasons to keep me on-board. She still hasn't told me anything about what I'm looking for, either.

The first thing I asked about was food, and the mage guided me to a store of crystals. They felt solid in my hands, and I got nervous when I popped one in my mouth and it dissolved. I was expecting a side effect, but nothing happened. I thought that maybe these were why she's so odd, but no, they just taste like mild maple syrup.

She looked surprised when I tried another one. Did she expect me to shatter my teeth? Do these things have nutrients?

I haven't starved to death yet, so they must be doing something for me.

There are star creatures that live here, too. Most are around half my size and look a little like headless cuccos. The sounds they make are a mix of wheeking and human baby noises. They keep their distance, but a smaller one's been trying to come near; it's a light beige-metallic color. When I try reaching for it, it shies away.

It'd be nice if this all turns out to be a bad dream and I wake up to a hangover after the Star Festival.

* * *

No sign of anyone else. Not even a ghost or sprite. It's dumb to think I'd find anyone months later, but I may as well have something to hope for... I miss Diamond and Pauline. Maybe Toadstool and Luigi, too. I don't usually miss people, but being stuck on a ship with one other person and a bunch of noisy stars has made me realize how great I had it.

I also really miss food.

There isn't any real food here, and the crystals don't count; I don't think they give any actual sustenance. It always feels like I'm running on empty, and I can eat more of them than physically possible without any physical change. Eating tons of them daily causes no weight gain, in fact, I've lost weight. Normally, I'd be pretty happy about that, but I'm concerned that I might turn into a husk.

Other than worries over food and a little loneliness, I don't have much to complain about. I've been trimming my mustache and keeping my hair short. There's a bathhouse on-board that I use often. I wake up to new clothes, so that's nice.

Rosetta, the mage, has opened up a little. Her quietness at first was maybe because she didn't trust me or was awkward, but after that, she told me her name and a little about the star creatures she calls the lumas. Rosetta is her given name, too.

I don't think she knows how names work. Because of it, I can tell when she's watching me. Doubt there's any intent behind it, I've noticed that she kinda just likes to watch things. I never see her do anything other than make picture books, read to the lumas, and watch. There has to be more to her schedule, but I haven't seen otherwise.

The ship, called the Observatory, has been fun to explore. With power still scarce, I haven't seen most of it, but I'm curious. It's sectioned into three rings that orbit the core power source and, what I assume is, the engine.

The smallest ring around the observatory core is the only one that's functioning. It's a hodgepodge of gardens, small houses, and observation domes, with passageways and rooms sprawling throughout the insides of it. Walking around on them's weird because of the gravity. There isn't enough power going to the two outer rings, so they're pitch black, have no gravity, and the lumas don't hang out on them.

I've learned what the fuel is, the ship runs on a type of magic. The Observatory telescopes have a type of pink lens that turns iridescent when it picks up on certain emissions. I bring one and use it to find the stuff. There's also a teleportation device to get to and from planets. It's a lot faster than warps.

A few planets had promise. They weren't interesting, but they had material for the Observatory core. I've been keeping a record of the planets I've visited in a journal Rosetta gave me. Sometimes I get thrown off; I'll spend hours digging because I saw something in an area, and it'll be the wrong material. I can't tell magical fuel from magical fuel, but I know that the type the core is made of is usually found in pale, yellow crystals.

Hey, the ship hasn't blown up yet, so I must be doing something right.

The little beige luma's been keeping me company when I go out. Compared to the others, he's quiet and only makes noise when he's trying to get me to look at something. Since warming up to me, he's also been sitting on my head. He helps me by giving me the ability to levitate and fly around. I think he's why I'm able to breathe in space, too.

While I've been here, a few of the bigger lumas have shot out into space to form stars and molten planets. I'm not sure what happens to them. Are they still aware? I can put the pieces together to realize my world was a result of a luma, was it sentient? Wait, I'm a result of a luma... I hope they cease when they become celestial objects.

The new planets don't seem to emit anything that the lens can pick up on, so that makes me wonder how magic comes about. Does it get absorbed from space and concentrate in materials? As planets cool, does magic form then?

We also find lumas on our travels and they stay on-board. How do they come into existence?

I think these questions are going to pile up.

* * *

It's been four years and the Observatory is at around a third of its full power. I don't know why I'm still keeping track of the days.

Over time, I've shared various adventures. Rosetta listens with intent and the lumas gather around. When Rosetta asks about words that she doesn't know, I explain them.

I don't know why we understand each other. We can't be from the same planet, can we? Her ship is the comet that signaled the Star Festival, a comet that's been around for at least as long as people had lived on my planet. But she's human, so I'm not sure. Are there other humans in other galaxies? I haven't seen any others here.

She has picture books that tell the story of a girl with reddish-blonde hair who was brought off-planet as a child. Obviously, the girl's Rosetta. At first, it sounded fairy tail-like to me, but now that I've thought about it, it's sad. A luma separated her from her family. The books that have versions of this story are in the farthest corner of the library, and she doesn't read them. When I pointed them out to her, she denied that the girl was her, but the illustration's too similar to her to not be.

I don't think she's been... all there for a long time. She's child-like in an unsettling way. It's uncomfortable being stuck with her as the only other person to talk to. She's too out there for me to have any real discussions with. I often find myself treating her like a kid and I try to correct myself when I realize it. The weird thing is that she doesn't seem to mind or notice it.

She wanted me to be part of her... family? I think it's too weird, I told her to consider me as a crew member on her ship. She looked a little sad, but I don't want her calling me uncle or anything.

On a nicer note, I've given the little luma a nickname. I couldn't keep calling him "luma" all the time, so I started calling him "Tycho" and he seemed to like it.

With the range of the outer observation domes, I've found no sentient life. There are plants and microscopic life, but nothing very complex.

I haven't found any space ships because they're either too small to see, or they don't emit anything detectable. The ship has a radar, but it's more for tracking things that are nearby.

There's a planet that had a civilization on it. Had. The buildings were advanced looking, but the star the planet orbits seems to have gotten hotter. The planet's a wasteland without liquid water and barely has an atmosphere. At least the people did all the work finding fuel for me.

I've been practicing magic because it's very useful for exploration. I'm using shadow magic to shovel soil, pierce rock, and haul. I've gotten better with it, too. I can make giant hands. While it still feels a little unpleasant, it's been affecting me less over the years.

The Observatory isn't all that interesting anymore. Even at a third of its power, all of the habitat areas are functional, it's just power for shields and travel that we need now. I figured out that the gardens are synthetic. There's no soil, and the plants aren't alive. Everything's made with magic, even the water. It's all stagnant.

I figured out that don't need to breathe, and eating's probably not a requirement. I'm seemingly healthy, healthier than I was before the whole space adventure. Did I become immortal? When did it happen? Before or after my planet blew up?

Did I get resurrected by Rosetta? I asked her and she shook her head while looking a little confused.

Was it the lumas? I think the Observatory was built by them, so maybe?

Is it the shadow magic? I'm confident that there were still entities with shadow magic on my home planet before it blew up. They aren't still around.

What conditions did I meet to survive? I'm pretty sure I wasn't the most powerful or durable thing on the planet. Rosetta and the lumas would've probably saved any other survivors or found bodies or something.

Nothing's really answerable with whatever I have at my disposal, but I gotta have things to think about.

* * *

Now that the Observatory can maintain its shields, we can fly around at high speeds and I can use the radar to see ships as we pass by. Every time a blip indicating something metallic appears, I stop to take a look. Rosetta makes fun of me for it, but I like to see whatever pops up. It's interesting.

Rosetta's more lively nowadays. Still fairly emotionless, but I get her to grin every once in a while. She comes along with me to explore planets now.

I've been finding ghost ships of various makes with dead crews of various species. Most of them appear purely technology based, but there were a few that ran via magical means.

Most of them are in one corner of the galaxy. Some ships have human skeletons. Many of the ships look blocky and have giant, bird-like corpses in them. Maybe they went out too far? There's a spiral galaxy that's out in the direction they came from, it's the closest galaxy to this one. I want to try visiting it but Rosetta says that it'd take a decade to reach it at full power. A decade of nothing but dead space with no stars or planets.

In another area, there was an organic ship, it was made of a fleshy material. It was frozen and partially rotted on the inside, with a crew of serpent-like skeletons. I drew the ship in my journal, naming it the "Meat Ship". Rosetta's grossed out by it.

Other than looking for fuel, I've been using the increased capabilities of the domes to watch the galactic center. I can't really see it, but I can tell where it is by the way stars move around and into it.

I think it's alive.

It's been targeting and destroying systems. That's probably what happened with my system, and I've seen it doing the same to others. At any distance, it mulches entire systems. I don't see how it attacks, but I do see the systems being destroyed and magic being pulled to its maw. Everything I see it doing, I record.

There's no plan to attack or stop it, I just want to know what it is.

I showed Rosetta my findings and asked if the Observatory could be piloted to the center of the galaxy safely once there was enough power. A thought occurred to me that maybe she doesn't mind it, maybe it was just the cycle of things. But she accepted. She didn't know what it was either.

So now I have something to look forward to as I gather fuel and draw neat ships.

* * *

The thing at the galactic center was indeed alive. Not sure what it looked like beyond the dark atmosphere that cloaked it, but it's gone now. Never to be seen again. I'm not satisfied, but oh well.

Rosetta had come to some conclusion about it and wanted to stop it. Not sure on her logic, but she had the lumas sacrifice themselves to end the creature.

I had no idea what was going on when they started flying into the thing, Tycho hesitated before he waved goodbye and dove in with the rest of them. Everything got really bright. I think the whole galaxy started collapsing because when we got farther, all I could see in the distance was other galaxies.

Rosetta was out of it, so I was piloting the Observatory to avoid us getting destroyed. I got the ship far away from the black hole before the galaxy suddenly reappeared.

The Observatory had no lumas, and Rosetta was still unresponsive. It took a while of looking around to realize that everything was reverted. The galaxy was somehow restored by the lumas' sacrifice. It's a lot more dense, there's more stars now.

I was in a bad state for a while after the lumas went off, but Rosetta was worse.

When she didn't move for a long time, I carried her to her bedroom and tucked her in. She stared when I stayed by her bed, but never moved or spoke. I didn't know what I could do for her, so I read books to her, piloted the ship around, and found lumas... I also found my planet, though I didn't take a visit.

When she was up and moving again, I introduced her to the new lumas. Her behavior was eerie, she followed me around and still didn't speak. She fully came out of it after a while and recovered, but it took a while.

I thought it'd be fine to visit my planet a few months later, but she didn't want me going. We settled on a compromise and she came with me. She's far from helpless; she's got strong magic, keeps to herself, and I reminded her to come up with a fake name... which is Rosalina. Not ideal, but it works.

The planet's... just dandy, it's as it was before it got destroyed.

My mistake was that I didn't disguise myself when walking around. Someone freaked out when they saw me, causing people to start crowding me and Rosetta. They were asking questions about what happened to me. I got panicky and fled with Rosetta. I didn't know why people were so shocked, I thought everything would be as if nothing happened.

Now I understand the overreaction. I'm an idiot.

After the lumas "reset" the galaxy, I took a while to get back. A few years had passed. To everyone, I'd disappeared for several years without warning, coinciding with more stars appearing in the sky.

Everyone had thought I'd died... Some also thought the world was ending. I'd call them morons, but I can see their point.

My shapeshifting's beyond rusty from lack of use, so I'm wearing a scarf over my nose and no red clothing. People think I'm Rosetta's son and we roll with it.

I'm going to get into contact with Pauline. I'm nervous though, I haven't seen her in a long time and I'm really awkward now. I weirded out a bunch of people while ordering food and getting hotel rooms. Wasn't very socially skilled before, but this is exceptional! What if she thinks I'm an impostor?

As for Rosetta, she's always hovering and wants me to stay at the Observatory. I don't want to stay. It's selfish, and I feel bad about it, but I want to live on my own again. She isn't a child despite how she acts, she can manage without me. I can teleport to the Observatory, she can teleport to me. We can visit each other at any time.


	8. Chapter 8

The call with Pauline was a disaster. I had the mind to find her phone number, but was still an unprepared idiot. She didn't believe it was me, then she started berating me for imitating me. Didn't know what to do, so I hung up. Poorly planned.

How do I explain my disappearance to her? On my own, I doubt I can convince her on the whole space thing. Do I ask Rosetta to vouch for me? Would she get the wrong idea?... I'm just gonna rip the bandage off and ask her along. We can bring her to the Observatory if they're unconvinced.

Rosetta's still watching me like a hawk. I shouldn't have talked about leaving, because I think she's outright against it now. She hasn't said anything, but it's a little obvious.

On a lighter note, eating was also a disaster. A preventable disaster. I knew the risks of suddenly eating again, I did it anyway. I instantly threw up and dry-heaved for a while after. Gave my face and mustache a thorough wash. I was expecting a bad reaction, but not that bad of a reaction. Same thing happens with water.

Rosetta was concerned, but found it funny after realizing it wasn't serious.

I guess food's a reacquired taste now.

* * *

Still can't eat, Rosetta's still hovering, and we're still staying in the hotel.

Rosetta didn't want to vouch for me, or bring anyone to the Observatory.

This was bad for many obvious reasons. I twiddled my thumbs for a month as the hotel put a dent in my wallet... Yes, I kept my wallet for all those years.

I told Rosetta to let me go alone if she's not going to help me, so I'm on my own.

Now I'm rocking on my heels at Pauline's gate.

May as well rip the bandage off.

I walk up, ring the buzzer, take several steps back, and wait... and wait... And then I hear the rapid clicking of heels before we see each other, and I stop rocking.

We stare. I don't have the nerve to say anything, or move to take the scarf off my face.

Still staring, she slowly moves to the side of the gate and presses a button. I somewhat flinch at the loud buzz, and the gate opens.

As she approaches, I'm still frozen on the spot. There's a glimmer in her eyes that's becoming more apparent the closer she gets.

Why didn't I come back sooner?

Only a couple of steps away, we're both tearing up.

I could've at least stopped by.

Now I'm looking away, anywhere but her. I'm feeling flighty, but I stay in place.

Pauline slowly walks up and gently takes me by the shoulder, guiding me through the gate before I hear her press the button to close it.

I can't look at her until we're in the house and she's yelling at someone to put on tea.

We take our seats on couches opposite each other, a table separating us, and I look around at anything but Pauline.

The tea arrives and cools before she speaks up. "On the phone... That was you, huh?"

I nod, still not looking at her.

She breathes out. "I thought it was some schmuck tryin' to mess with me... but after you hung up, I went over it in my head and realized that some schmuck wouldn't know what you sound like. I wanted to call back, but the number was hidden." She pauses before continuing, "What were you doing?"

She won't believe me if I tell her. She'll be pissed.

"There had to be something goin' on; you wouldn't've disappeared for near a decade if nothing was goin' on," worry's seeping into her voice. "What'd you get wrapped up in?"

I'm about to speak, but I clam up and stay quiet.

She moves to sit by me and says, "At least take the scarf off."

That caught me off guard. I forgot that the scarf's still wrapped over my face. "O-oh, yeah."

"Oh my goodness, you're even worse now," she says in jest. "You can barely talk."

She's trying to lighten the mood, which isn't even something she should have to do. Why am I even here if I'm not going to say anything? Why's she making all the effort when this is my fault? I'm being an asshole and she's putting up with it.

I'm looking at her now, "I should've stopped by to visit."

"What was it that you were doing?" Pauline's looking at me like something's wrong.

"I was in space, travelling around the galaxy..." There's an unsaid "if you believe me" in there.

After a bit, she says, "Mario, I don't know you to be a liar. Don't know what happened in space, but... you don't have to tell me the rest if you don't want to."

I nod and she calls for fresh tea.

"... How you been?" I ask.

She takes a relaxed posture. "Stressed. Mayoral duties and all." A pause. "Been gettin' white hairs and lines, too," she snorts.

"Hmm."

We're back to being quiet again, but it's a little more welcome. Pauline turns the television on to some sitcom, and a lady brings in more tea.

Looking around, a lot's changed; the furniture's been moved around, some things have been replaced, but it's still familiar.

My attention goes back to Pauline and she's looking at me again with focus, like she's trying to figure something out.

"Why're ya looking at me like that?"

Some sort of realization flashes over her face. "Something's off. Wait. Lemme find something," she says before leaving the room.

I'm rocking in the seat again when she comes back with a bunch of photos.

"Look directly at me for a sec," she says.

I do so, and she holds up a few photos to compare.

"What's wrong?" Do have a growth or something? I'm feeling over my face.

"Outside of weight, you look the same."

"Hmm?" I stop moving.

"You haven't aged," she clarifies.

Wait, what? I get up to find a mirror, but I forgot the layout of the house.

"C'mon, this way," Pauline says as she grabs my shoulder and we move down the hall to the bathroom.

She flicks the light on and hands me a photo.

I look at the photos, then back to the reflection a few times, moving in close to see better.

She's right, I haven't aged... Actually, I might be younger looking than some of the photos... or that could just be the weight loss... I'm surprised she recognized me through the scarf.

"I knew something was weird. You haven't aged! Did you time travel or something?"

I shake my head. I need to at least tell her. "You know how a lot of stars suddenly popped up?"

"Yeah?"

May as well just get it out of the way.

"The world ended, I survived and went travelling in a ship... as a crew member for around a decade, then the captain made the galaxy sort of... reset. That's when the stars suddenly appeared." I want to keep it somewhat vague.

Pauline nods.

She probably thinks I'm insane and I don't blame her for it.

"The captain had to sacrifice a lot to do it, so I stayed with her until she recovered, which took until recently to happen."

"So you were a space pirate?" she asks, a half-smile showing. "How's that explain the no aging bit?"

"It doesn't..." I don't know why I stopped aging. "I did technically time travel, though, not in the way you'd expect. I'm a decade older than I should be."

"Would I be considered even more of a cougar if we got together again?" she jokes. Okay, so she's shifting the topic, so she probably thinks I'm insane.

"Oh, nooo," I say sarcastically. Then I remember something. "Wait, weren't you with that guy?"

She giggles and pokes me in the stomach. "I dunno, with your lack of gut, I might consider a divorce," she waggles an eyebrow.

"... I dunno what to say other than congrats!" I lower my voice, "You let him in on your schemes? How'd he react?"

"Nah, I stopped doing that stuff. What'd ya think? I'd marry a guy while still causin' all that crap?" she laughs as we leave the bathroom.

"Never," I say in a dramatic tone.

We're back on the couch again and she's calling for more tea that we won't drink.

This went so much better than I thought it would, and I don't doubt it's more because of Pauline than me. I don't care if she thinks I'm mad. I just needed to see her. I can fully explain later.

"So, what're you gonna say to Toadstool 'n' Luigi? Bowser?"

I blanch. That's a sudden question.

"Uh, I-I don't know?"

"You're gonna talk to them, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah?" she repeats mockingly.

"Yeah."

* * *

Rosetta's warmed up to... people in general. I gave her the spiel about mages and such

She's taking it well, she and Toadstool made fast friends... or at least Toadstool's trying. She glares at me when I leave her with Rosetta.

Rosetta's turned out to be very talkative. She talked about a version of our adventure, leaving all the sad and boring bits out... that version spread... a lot. Someone's announced they're making a series on it, and I can't believe the speed of these people.

It's only been a year since I've been back. A very strange year.

I'm reminded pretty often that I was considered dead for a while. There was a kart racing tournament held in my honor a little ago, I've been padding my clothes out so no one feels like they have to redo the memorial statues of me, and someone on the street randomly recognized me through a disguise and gave me flowers. I didn't know this person, it was awkward, I said "thanks" and went on my way.

Toadstool's been accommodating... as in she let Rosetta, a few lumas, and I stay in the castle. My house's a bit too overgrown for my liking, and the tanukis have moved in. They at least have the decency to act sheepish. That's fine though, I'm looking at a real nice deserted island that's far off from the mainland. I may have missed people while in space, but I still like the quiet.

Of all the people, I'd expected Toadstool to be the reserved one. She went into denial, then joy when Pauline called her and I was on the line being awkward. She told me to warp there immediately, and I obeyed.

Luigi and I have called a truce on whatever caused the rift between us, I don't even remember what it was.

In other news, he retired early and married the Bean Prince... which I didn't expect. I mean, wouldn't he marry royalty or something? Are Bean Bean politics just super different and I had no idea? He doesn't participate in Luigi's blogs despite Luigi wanting him to, which is equally unexpected, but I respect it. He's more of an "in person beauty" kind of guy. Probably so he can actually blind people with his flashy sparkles.

Bowser threw a few parties for me, and everyone went to them... Oh yeah, and everyone's a lot more friendly to the Koopa Kingdom now. For how many people that were there during the parties, there were surprisingly no bad smells, and they were pretty hygienic.

My only complaint's that the food looked amazing and I still can't eat. A few drops of water still makes me gag, so I'm losing hope on that cause.

Pauline held no big party or festival for me, which I appreciate. We mostly practiced instruments and had a little dance. Both of which I'm terrible at now. It was a nice time though.

I've been to a ton of events, and there are more on the way. It's overwhelming, and I'm tired. At least this is a honeymoon period, and everything's going back to normal in a while.

* * *

A letter arrived for me. I don't understand how. I've been shifted as a bald old man in the public for the past month. I'm at an inn! How?!

The innkeeper gave it to me in the middle of watching a live band in the dining room, said it was in the mailbox.

Opening it, there's chicken scratch that roughly states, "Hi Mr. Mayro, Im from Sarasa. A monster kid naped my prince es. Pleas sav her." There's a drawing of a pointy-eared purple person with big teeth, and a long-haired lady in a white and orange dress. No address, and my name's misspelled on the envelope. Again, how is it even here?

I'm going to Sarasa, definitely, but is it from the kid of a shaman or something? Bait? A jape?

Whatever, I'll head out in the morning. I want to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. This was fun to write, and I hope it was a fun read.


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